Dungeons And Dorklings
by Natooka
Summary: When two friends get together to play a friendly game of D and D the player characters seem to have no chance. Will the PCs ever make it out alive?


Disclaimer: I do not own Dungeons and Dragons. If I did I would probably have a bit more cash to buy... well, Dungeon and Dragon books. 

The permafrost of the tundra compressed under the dwarf's weight. It crackled as he walked and his full plate clanked with the sound of metal rubbing on metal. The Frost Giant towered in front of him looked down with a fire in his eyes. The club he held over his head looked more like a full grown tree then a crafted weapon. With a battle cry the club came sweeping down and hit the dwarf square in the chest.

The already beat up armor was dented badly and the dwarf was sent flying off his feet. With a grunt he got to his feet and charged the Giant with a menacing flaming greatsword. It was a powerful hit, the weapon cut into the monsters flesh like it was butter and the flames licked at the wounds, which caused even more damage. The Giant looked almost surprised at his defeat. An air of death filled the area, the Giant's breath grew heavy and he began to stumble forward.

Eberk, the dwarf, looked up at his slain foe. As the giant swayed back and forth he could tell that it was going to fall in his direction. He was going to move but his feet would not comply. He tried to get out of the way but his mind was frozen with fear, his reflexes were to slow.  
---  
"Oh dood, not cool!" Steven stood up, knocking over an empty glass of ice tea. He looked down at the miniatures on the game mat before him. He looked at the size of the giant compared to his dwarf, and he realized that this would hurt. "I rolled a one!" This is possibly the saddest moment in a gamer's life, when the twenty sided die, the d20, turns against him or her (who was Steve kidding? A girl gamer was rarer then ice in the equator.) With a frown he sat back down. He had failed his reflex save, and he would pay for it.

"Alright," Ken said, looking across the game table to Steve. A grin to his face and Steve's frown only grew larger. "Well…"

---

The Giant's swaggering increased in intensity and soon it's center of gravity shifted too far. With one last breath the Frost Giant fell face forward. Eberk looked up and watched in horror, unable to stop what was coming. He screamed out of fear and the hulking form crushed his bones and wrecked his armor.

---

This all played out like a movie in Stephen's head. The camera in his mind started to zoom out on the crushed dwarf and the felled Giant. They were surrounded by nothing but ice and snow; the nearest settlement was days away. "Well, there goes another character." He said out loud, standing up once again. "Damn, I liked him too." The boy started to pick up his dice and pack them away before grabbing the few miniatures that were left out. His blue jeans matched his jacket and his arms were covered in the red sleeve of a long shirt.

Ken just looked up at him for few seconds before pushing his dark hair out of his eyes and standing. He was trying hard not to grin. "Well, sorry about that. I didn't mean for the Giant to actually _kill_ you, but hey, you gave it a run for its money." The truth was he was a little saddened about the whole thing. He hated killing player characters, but it was really fun on a few levels. Stephen knew that first hand, he had run a few campaigns and felled his fair share of warriors.

"I should probably be heading home now." Steve said. His voice was somber; he was still a little saddened by the loss of his dwarf. He would get over it in the car ride home, but for now he had a right to be a bit gloomy. "Still that was a good game… right up until I died." He chuckled and his curly dark hair moved with his head. He was feeling better already, much faster then he had expected. It helped that he could joke about it.

"Yeah, good game." Ken smiled. And began to walk to the stairs leading down to the kitchen. Stephen had called his parents a few minutes ago and his dad would be here any minute. Stephen followed Ken and they walked down, waiting for Steve's dad by the door. There was a little time to kill and good friends made small talk. "You know," Ken started. "If you want to make a new character I am sure I could fit him into this current plotline somehow."

Stephen smiled. "Yeah, I think I'll multiclass next time. Maybe make a fighter/wizard, or an invisible blade. Oh!" He got excited now, the possibilities were running through his head. "Maybe I'll make a disciple of Bahamut, or a barbarian; that would be cool." He would have to think about it. But Ken figured he would just end up making another fighter, or a ranger. That would be easiest to both play and make. He was good at them by now; he had had at least 10 already.

Stephen heard the sound of a car pulling into the gravel driveway. A looked down at his possessions to double check he had everything he had come with. He found his dice, his miniatures, his toothbrush and extra cloths. Yes, he had all his things. With one last goodbye and a "thanks for having me over" he walked to his dad's car and closed the door tight. The seatbelt that crossed his chest automatically pressed against his chest, forcing him to sit back in the seat as he pulled the waist seatbelt on.

The car ride home was a bit boring. The radio was playing country because that's what his dad listened to. The conversation was kept to a minimum, usually they had no problem talking about random things, but Stephen usually ended up doing more listening in those conversations. His dad asked him how his time at Ken's had been and Steve kept his answer short. "It was fun, we hung out." He made sure not to mention the fact that they had played Dungeons and Dragons for hours; it was embarrassing to let other people know that you played. They usually thought you were a super geek.

When Stephen got home he jumped online and started to play Runescape, and online game. He was getting a bit addicted to the game. Although, to be fair, he had been playing less ever sense he finished all the quests that were avalible to non-members. It didn't seem fair that all the best quest were reserved for members, a title you had to pay in cash to achieve. He had a job now, but if he didn't save up and put more money in the bank they would start charging him for having less then 500 dollars in his account. _That's not fair, charging poor people because they are poor._

After playing for nearly two hours the boy signed offline. With a yawn he stood and stretched his arms and legs. It was amazing how doing virtually nothing could make you so tired. He was about to log off and walk away when he remembered he had to make a new character for Ken's campaign. With an emotionless face, like an iron golem sent out on a task, he sat back down and opened up the files that contained the information he needed. He would be ready when next week came, this new character, a barbarian; he would not be felled without a fight.

---

Thokk the Half-Orc barbarian looked around. He was covered in the remains of many undead. The morning star at his side glowed a fierce red, an effect of a bit of magic. He had been fighting zombies for what seemed like an hour now and he was getting tired. But he couldn't rest now; they were still coming, and in droves. "When I get my hand on that necromancer! Arg!" His thick and strong arms came down on a zombie's head, crushing its rotting skull.

He could picture the face of the man who had sent him to this place. He had been lured in by the promise of treasure… he never expected the entire thing to be a trap. It was obvious to him now that the man who had sent him here was a necromancer, and probably the one behind all these undead. There was nearly nothing else he could do, he felt himself slipping into a rage. The look in Thokk's eyes rapidly changed from panicked to aggravated. He looked stronger and faster, not to mention all around healthier. It was as if his rage was fueling him now, and in fact, it was.

The Half-Orc brought down his morning star on another zombie. This time the creature's head came right off and stuck to the spikes of the weapon. A stench filled the air as the monsters exposed chest cavity mixed with the environment. More and more zombies fell at Thokk's hand. He had destroyed seven already and it had only been a few seconds. But, he was taking more hits due to his rage. He was hitting more often, doing more damage, and kept getting pounded zombie slam attacks.

He felt weak and in a rush his rage was replaced by a touch of fatigue. He was weaker now then even before the rage, the barbarian even felt it was hard to stand.

---

"Oh crap, my rage ran out." Stephen said regretfully. If only he had rolled a little better when trying to kill the zombies before. Maybe he wouldn't have had to use his rage. Now his character was fatigued in the middle of a circle of undead. "Not good." Ken was looking across the game map at his friend. This was a new character too, one to replace the dwarf that died just a week ago. He would feel a little down about killing the Half-Orc. Ah well, he didn't like barbarians anyway; they were so boring. Maybe next time Stephen would make a better character.

"Well," Steve said resentfully. "Go on then, it's the zombie's turn…."

---

The zombies all called out, they could sense the heat coming from the barbarian's body. Its life force made them hungry, they all wanted to eat the Half-Orc bit by bit. Moving slowly they all attacked as one. The creatures had powerful claws that tore off parts of Thokk's armor before cutting into his skin. All that could be heard that night were the sounds of the zombies calling out in pleasure and the screams of help from Thokk as he was devoured piece by piece.

---

"Well that was a little more gruesome then it needed to be." Stephen informed Ken. He wasn't feeling all too great now and he slumped in his chair. Ken only laughed and shook his head from side to side. Steve folded his arms over his chest and pushed his feet against the game table, lifting the two front legs of his chair off the ground and tilting him back. With a sigh he closed his eyes for a moment before unfolding his arms and bringing his palms up to his eyes so he could rub them Getting killed was tiring.

"Hey," Ken spoke up. "If you had just rolled a better sense motive roll you would have called the necromancer's bluff." At this comment Stephen only groaned, he had rolled a one on _that_ save as well. What was the deal with him and rolling ones when it was a matter of life and death? With a thud Steve let his front to chair legs his the ground. He was tossed forward but easily kept his balance. Balance, now that was something he didn't have to worry about, in game or out, he always seemed to roll well on balance checks.

"Is it okay if I come back next week with a new character?" Stephen asked Ken. Because Ken was the Dungeon Master he pretty much had the final say on everything. Steve didn't mind that too much, being a DM was a lot of work and playing the game was really fun (when he wasn't being pummeled into the ground.) Ken nodded, but gave him an odd look.

"You know you have a cleric waiting for you outside this place. I am sure that he could pay to have you raised." Ken pointed this fact out very nicely; even if he disliked barbarians it was easier to raise a character then to make a new one.

But Stephen refused. "No, that's okay. I don't have nearly enough gold. Besides, I want to make a different class this time." Both boys laughed, but not loud enough to over up the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. That was Ken's queue. It was his dad waiting for him outside.

"Alright, see you Steve. Thanks for having me over." The boy smiled and Stephen thanked him for coming. After he made it clear to Ken that he was not going to die next week he started to plan his next character. The days seemed to crawl by slowly. The weather outside was rainy and was going to be all week. It was dark and Stephen just wanted it to be the weekend, despite the fact that he had work. He wanted to play again and try out his new character. Eventually Saturday did come, it was rainy and dark, but the game was still played. They were at Steve's house again.

---

With just a thought the rouge was able to activate the slippers of spider climb he wore snug on his feet. Instantly his hands and feet became magically sticky, allowing him to climb walls as if he were a spider. Eldon, the Halfling rouge, made sure to stay hidden in the shadow of a support pillar. He kept his eyes on his target just across the large stone room and did his best to listen to the conversation his was having. The target was wearing a robe of eyes, a magical item that let the wearer see in all directions at once. Eldon had to be careful, if he was discovered his spying attempt would be useless.

The target talked with a Half-Elf, they both looked like wizards, powerful wizards. The rouge couldn't help but wonder what his guild was getting into if they wanted him to spy on the leaders of the Mage guild. His eyes were like eagle's eyes; they read the lips of the two magic users as he continued to climb up the wall and eventually the ceiling. Within minutes Eldon was hanging upside-down right over the target's head. He could clearly hear every word that they were saying. Notorious things were underway.

---

"Wow, this is getting good." Stephen said to Ken. He was smiling again. It felt good to be in a situation where he had the right skills for the job. A rouge of this level could hide without being seen by even the keenest observer. And best of all, there was almost no chance of getting killed.

"Thanks Steve. Oh an by the way, how long do those slippers last?" Ken asked. He was hoping the answer was twenty, but he knew it was only ten. This was going to be funny, but bloody. _Well actually, how much blood could a Halfling have?_ Ken figured it wouldn't be all that bloody after all.

Steve replied, "ten minutes? Why?"

---

Suddenly the force holding Eldon to the wall dissipated. The Halfling had forgotten the first rule of magic; "Almost nothing lasts forever." A frightened look crossed his face as he began to freefall from the high ceilings to the hard stone floor below. His scream alerted the mages to his presence and allowed them to step out of harms way and let the intruder hit the floor and not their bodies.

The fall itself should have killed the Halfling but he must have gotten lucky. Eldon rolled with the damage, breaking his right arm in the process, but saving his life. Without a second though he began to run from the Mages. He didn't need to be a genius to know that they had plenty of spells that could turn him to dust, literally. The Halfling pumped his legs with all his strength. Even if his legs were shorter then the mage's he knew he could get away. They didn't even seem to be that interested in pursuing him.

The next moments were very confusing for the rouge. In the blink of an eye huge monsters surrounded him as if they had come out of nowhere. They all looked like they could snap him in half if they wanted, and they also look like they wanted to,

---

Stephen interjected. "Wait a minute, what just happened here? How did they get so many monsters here so fast!?" He was getting a little annoyed. The fact that he had forgotten that his slippers had a time limit each day was still annoying him.

"Time stop." Ken said smugly. Steven just had a look on his face as if to question why a DM would put a lower level character up against at least one mage who could cast such a spell. "Oh come on, he just stopped time long enough to summon a few helpers." Ken laughed at this. They both knew this was going to get ugly. Steve still had that look on his face, so Ken continued. "Well, you weren't' even supposed to fight them… so, good luck?"

---

With a frightened gulp Eldon drew his magical dagger. This weapon did not glow, it simply returned to its user after being thrown. The Halfling looked around apprehensively and with shifty eyes. He did not want to die today, he needed a way out. There was a small gap in the circle of monsters that surrounded them,. He started to make a break for it but a monster moved faster and got in his way. He ended up running right up to it so that all he could do was attack.

It was as if the dagger was been enhanced with true strike. It's blade pierced the beasts think skin and cut deep into what looked like a tendon on the back of its knee. But apparently that was not enough. In the next moment Eldon's weight was off his feet. He was being held off the ground being supported only by his neck. He was choking to death, but that sensation was fleeting. One of the mages spoke a command word and the Halfling was tossed into the air before landing in-between a rows and rows of very sharp teeth.

The mouth slowly closed, trapping the small rouge in a place he did not want to be. Not much was left of him after the digestion process, even his dagger had been digested by the monster's stomach acid.

---

"Gross." Stephen looked down at his fingers and counted in his head. That made three characters in three weeks he had managed to kill. This was a first for him, he was usually better at D and D, or at least a bit luckier. "You digested him!" But the truth was it was kind of funny. The boy couldn't help but laugh at the situation. That was another good part about the game, you could always laugh at your own misfortune.

"We still have a few hours left before I have to go to work." Stephen pointed out. He was eager to keep playing, and he thought that Ken was too, it was just a feeling in the air. Ken only nodded at his statement though. He didn't respond for a few seconds and the room was filled with silence.

"Well what do you want to do?" He asked. He had planed out plenty of more scenarios to play through but Stephen had to go and get himself killed and mess up all his plans. It was really a shame; the part that was supposed to be coming up was really good. He frowned at the idea of having to put all the stuff away. But a smile came to his face as he thought about something to watch on TV. "Maybe Negima will be on?" That was his way of offering up an idea of what to do. Basically it meant they could watch TV.

"Actually," Steve said with a smile, "I made two characters this time, just in case my rouge died. I guess _that_ was a good idea." And without another word Stephen quickly pulled out a character sheet and handed it to Ken. The DM read if over, _Daryl, Human Fighter._ That name was stuck in Ken's memory.

"Hey, wasn't that the name of a character you had on Phantom's So-" But Steven cut him off with a sarcastic "shut up…" Which was just his way of acknowledging the fact that he had given up and recycled a name from an Internet forum they used to belong to.

---

Daryl heard the commotion coming from the Mage guild and quickly moved through the crowded city streets to see what was going on. As the champion of the fighter's guild and a close friend of the King it was his duty to keep peace in this metropolis. His armor shone with the brilliance of the sun and did not clunk as he walked. It was obviously enchanted and of masterwork quality. At his side rested a long and powerful greatsword that radiated with holy energy and light. In fact, if a commoner took the time to guess they would probably think he was a paladin. He almost was, minus the ego.

The sounds of battle had ended just seconds ago, even still Daryl was not going to just let this go. For too long now the Mage guild had been allowed to get away with whatever they pleased. It seemed to Daryl that they and all their kind, including the King's advisors, were too confident of their power. The fighter started to pick up his pace. He could feel a battle coming and wanted to get things heated up as soon as possible.

With a turn of the corner he spotted two wizards talking with summoned monsters before dispelling them for good. There was the smell of death in the air and a small splatter of blood could be seen on the stone floor. "You should clean that up." Daryl said as he approached the wizards. "You never know who could just walk in here." The fighter had a smile on his face. Although these two disgusted him he relished patronizing them.

It was obvious by the way they looked at him that they knew who the man with the greatsword was, not something to be caught in combat with to say the least. "Come now, Daryl." One spoke up and started to walk foot over foot to his left. Daryl did the same and walked forward at the same time. He did not want to let this one out of his sight. "You know the Mage guild has never been anything but kind to the city."

The fighter sarcastically laughed at this remark. "What would you say if I told you I have very strong evidence against you?" He asked. He had these wizards where he wanted them, they just didn't know it.

There was a pause before the first wizard spoke up. He was still walking to his left, but then suddenly stopped and looked at Daryl with a grin. "I would say that you are in the right spot." Daryl gasped and looked down at the stone floor. A blue circle began to glow bright blue all around him, he had been trapped. The fighter managed to gasp before being teleported away in a puff of smoke. The next thing he knew he was standing in the middle of a dark graveyard. Everything was eerily quiet and it was unsettling. Without warning a hand popped out from under the ground. Many others followed it.

Undead bodies began to pull themselves up and out of the ground. They moved towards Daryl with a blood lust in their eyes.

---

"You've got to be kidding me!" Stephen jumped up, almost knocking over his iced tea in the process. "More zombies?" He sat down and sulked. Under his breath his spat out a few words, "pft, original…"

---

The fighter was not having as much trouble as he thought he would have. There was no end in sight to the creature's endless onslaught, but then again Daryl felt like he could destroy them all day. "Hah!" He laughed as he cut through one, then another. The beasts kept coming and coming, but they almost never hit him and when they did it did minimal damage. This continued for an entire hour until at last all the zombies had fallen and rotted back into the Earth from once they came.

Daryl couldn't help but laugh. He was tired, but extremely proud of his efforts. For the first time he felt like he had actually won. His heart slowed in his chest and he wiped his brow. All the muscles in his body relaxed, as if they knew that the day was theirs. He even felt like he could kill 1000 more zombies, or anything really, as long as it wasn't too powerful like a-

---

Stephen cut Ken off mid-sentence. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did well. Now that was a lot of fun but do you think I could get my experience now?" The hair on his forearms was standing up from excitement. That battle might have gotten him a new level, and he was anticipating it. Ken just looked annoyed.

"Well actually," Ken started, "make a listen check."

---

A noise cut through the silence of the night, causing Daryl to turn around in fright only to see it was just a bat hanging from a tree nearby. With a sigh of relief the fighter went to turn around again and walk away in victory when suddenly the bat dropped down from the branch. There was a puff of smoke and in an instant it transformed into a vampire standing a good foot taller then the fighter. The undead creature drew a long scythe as it advanced on Daryl, flashing its sharp white fangs.

---

Stephen's eyes grew in his head as he realized what had just happened. "Aw, damnit."

16


End file.
